The Kimqualcom Dialogues

scene 1

Allan: Hey, Paul! I love your flowers, I love your home. The way nature flows around, the gentle way with which the trees block the moon's reflection. It's just so still. The experience is a quiet, melancholic one. Of course, I realize the flowers are just suns, of the kind that are stuck in the dirt and chose to turn purple, yet I cannot help but admire them.

Paul: Why, thank you kindly, Allan. And you know what? If only you accumulate your juniper pies, in a conscientious manner, you too could own your own home, plant your own trees, and admire your own flowers.

Allan: Oh, Paul! Here lies the chasm between us. I realize the Kimqualcom title has your name written upon it! And your neighbour’s title declares: Paul. Their neighbours also. But, Paul, in my heart, I now feel the possession of your flowers. I look at the materials of your house and the same foolish feeling arises, yet, and this is the peculiar part, it only happens at night.

Paul: It's alright, Allan. My greatest hope is you'll find the serenity of the filing cabinet. Wouldn't you rather a beautiful, cozy home to rest your tired head than a dirty park bench?

Allan: Excuse me, Paul! The bench is a rustic treasure born of a time past, when the craftsman's duty was not merely his vocation but his very love. Look closely and you'll see the finesse of the creator's hand! It is an honour, a profound splendour, that I have the privilege to lay my head on such an artifact.

Paul: Allan, you're homeless.

Allan: Yes, Paul, I've heard that one before but I prefer any of these that follow, for they are of a greater art. So please, Paul, if you would, phrase it in one of the following ways: Allan, you're a vagrant, or how about a tramp, maybe a wanderer, a derelict, a hobo, a drifter, a rolling stone, a beachcomber, a wayfarer, a nomad, a down-and-out, a lonely traveller, a bum, a poor beggar, an itinerant, a smelly beggar, a rootless meanderer. Better yet, lay something fresh, something extravagant on me.

[Stage Direction] Paul pauses to think for a while.

Paul: Allan, you're a person experiencing homelessness.

Allan: Oh, Paul! You could not have arrived at a better expression. It's just perfect. Now, before I go, please allow me to share a jingle I wrote you.

[Stage Direction] Allan breaks into song.

Allan: I love all your belongings,                           

              As if they were my own,

              No need to take them home with me,

              Cause the Earth it is my throne!      

Repeat three times.

[Stage Direction] Pull curtains as Allan finishes the third chorus.

scene 2

Paul: Ah, Allan. It's good to see you again.

Allan: As always, Paul.

Paul: Today is another important day, Allan, yet I will not be weighed down by my obligations, just the inverse, their loftiness will elevate me to new heights. Oh yes, Allan, I choose not to live in fear.

[Stage Direction]: Paul squeezes the handle, the premium flows, sending wafting fumes into Allan's nostrils.

Paul (cont.): Negotiations are ongoing with a substantial firm and our company is working as an intermediary, if it closes it'll be the largest merger in our company's history. Though this itself isn't the key detail, Mr. Kimqualcom himself, gave me the assignment. Historically, he would have taken on such a beloved task but old age is creeping up on our once energetic trailblazer. My fellow co-workers are beginning to ask the fundamental question of our time: who will lead our company on its future trails?

Allan: You know, Paul, the middle class mind fluctuates between states of fear and vanity. It's a cocktail from hell. Here, Paul, take this screwdriver into that corporate boardroom! Jam it into the weld of the merger negotiation! Then step back from the table. Proceed to raise your lofty head. Cherish, in that moment, your freedom.   

[Stage Direction] Allan hands Paul the screwdriver. Paul laughs and tosses the screwdriver towards Allan.

Paul: Very funny, Allan. Yes, you're quite the comedian. After working like I have? Eighty hour weeks for twenty-four years? Jam a screwdriver into the weld, you say? I've never heard someone say something so preposterous.

Allan: Paul, what other choice do you have? Don't tell me you would rather continue repressing your love, diminishing your soul, and remaining a smooth transaction. It really comes down to two options: either you become a brutal weld or remain one with a pretty surface and no defects.

[Stage Direction] Paul places his hand on his chin and pretends to consider Allan's proposal.

Paul: Well, Allan. I really thought it through. I think I will remain a pretty surface with no defects.

Allan: Oh, what a horrible pity. It truly is. Want to know what I love about the lower class, Paul? I'll admit it, they too live in a state of fear but rather than the expression of vanity they are automated into a position of love, by default. Do you know why that is, Paul? Their survival is reliant on co-operation rather than competition. It really is a blessing to have a poor spirit, Paul! Reconsider the screwdriver, Paul, I’ll even hand it back to you, if you'd like.   

Paul: Keep your screwdriver, Allan. One day my name will be on your bench, just like Mr. Kimqualcom's.

[Stage Direction] The pump clicks off.

Allan: Oh yes, the elite class. They are a beautiful geyser of class, style, and power, Paul, yet they cannot experience true love that arises from empathy. They do however experience love's negative form when their vanity reaches the height of experience.

[Stage Direction] Paul places the nozzle back into the pump. He hops into his car, puts his sunglasses on, and pulls the visor down.

Allan (cont.): Oh wow, Paul, you wear Oakleys?

[Stage Direction] Allan chuckles as he gets off the pavement and leans down so he is eye level with Paul.

Allan (cont.): You're never going to take over Mr. Kimqualcom's title wearing those. Merger or no merger you're shackled to the ladder, Paul! What you need is a little erosion on your ego then we may get a leak, then a little love may vent, Paul. Better yet, where's your safety valve located, Paul? Let me exhaust it for you.

[Stage Direction] Paul speeds off toward the merger. Allan walks toward the bench. He reads the plaque screwed into the bench, it says Paul. He takes a seat and smiles.

scene 3

[Stage Direction] Paul places the nozzle into his car while engaging with Allan.

Paul: ...we foresaw the hour, when our filing cabinets would be sufficient no longer, computers necessarily were invented. Allow me to add; ahead of time! Because we are the hominids that use reason and empiricism to attain knowledge in order to live better, more justly, and ultimately, to solve life's most difficult problem.

Allan: Paul, guess what? Eventually, we will realize the Kimqualcom paperwork was a total disaster. The Eternal Butt Weld won't put a reprimand in your file for having messy hair.

Paul: Well, Allan. If it wasn't for Progress, life expectancy would not have grown so rapidly. Science is Progress. Life was merely a horrific succession of atrocities before Kimqualcom, at least acknowledge that much. Our messy-haired ancestors stayed out late like a group of delinquent teenagers, but rather than taking drugs and stealing they bludgeoned each other under the full moon. Even the sad lot you call your life is more dignified. What further evidence do you need to wake up?

Allan: I would rather risk a bludgeon than another happiness report, Paul. It looks like your numbers are going down. Where's your Progress now, Paul? If you're happy and you know it...

[Stage Direction] Allan looks at Paul mischievously.

Allan (cont.): Oh, come on, Paul, you know the words. Sing it with me! Your age cohort scored 8.8 out of 10 in the Kimqualcom Happiness Report, that's a bursting geyser! The least you could do is a little dance with me. Come on grab your poncho and let's go for a dance in the wet zone!

Paul: Allan, I just worked fourteen hours including both commutes. I'm tired. Then I deal with you afterwards too. Next time I'll fill up with regular so you won't bother me.

Allan: Oh, Paul, you always come back. You could stop at any other station but you know I wouldn't be there. You would miss me, I'm your best friend.

[Stage Direction] The pump clicks off, Paul places the nozzle back into the pump and hops into his car. He puts his sunglasses on and pulls the visor down.

Paul: Ah, Allan, one day you will grow up. You will look back in horror at the wasted years of your life! You will say to yourself: I could have been filing paperwork into computers like Paul, how much better my outcome could have been if only I'd followed the wisdom of that noble man.

Allan: That's right, Paul, you're very astute. That's why I admire you so much! I believe you could even become CEO of Kimqualcom then you could finally afford the extra premium.

Paul: Maybe then, it would be too much for you to handle. I wouldn't have to deal with you anymore, would I? Good day, Allan!

[Stage Direction] Paul speeds off into the loop. Allan is left on the concrete, leaning his face directly into the tailpipe fumes, inhaling deeply just short of extra premium.

scene 4

Paul: Hey, Allan, did you see the new job posting at Kimqualcom, it begins by explaining the company's mission statement. Our primary focus is to help other people! We want to create an environment where everybody feels at home, where no one is discriminated against and everyone works as a team. Remember Allan?

[Stage Direction] Allan walks up to Paul as he fills his car up. He takes Paul's phone from his hand, clicks the screen off, and tosses it into the car.

Paul (cont.): Teamwork makes the dream work! Let us not forget our safety record. Last year we had no missed time injuries to report and only five near misses! Our goal is to become the safest company to work for in history! How about it, Allan, why don't you put in a resume?

Allan: It sounds interesting, Paul, what positions are available?

Paul: We have two different entry-level roles, paperwork consultant and paperwork associate. I began as a paperwork consultant and look at me now.

Allan: Hey, Paul, do you think working there is like being part of a big family?

Paul: Yes, Allan, Kimqualcom has largely replaced family now. It's much better, there's more diversity and anyone can be hired. Better yet, if you get tired of working as a consultant one can become an associate, or if you do good work and are willing to put in the time, opportunity for a promotion is always there. Isn't it great to have so many good options, Allan?

Allan: Yeah, Paul, I just don't know how to choose. Either way I love you, Paul! Now give your brother a big hug. It seems like everything will work out, everything will finally be good. Hey, Paul, I belong somewhere now!

Paul: No hugging, Allan, only under life or death circumstances may an employee come in contact with another. If so, that breaches one of the strictest safety protocols at Kimqualcom. You will be let go immediately. No second chance. You will receive your severance package along with a five year blacklisting from all Kimqualcom companies and related businesses. We take such offences seriously at Kimqualcom!

Allan: But, Paul, I thought we were supposed to be family?             

Paul: We are, Allan, just no indiscriminate contact and you'll have to maintain a two meter distance from each employee including lunch and coffee breaks. We advise you do the same outside of work. If all employees kept to their own designated areas of uncontaminated breathing space, we would all be less likely to get sick, then the paperwork could be filed more efficiently!

[Stage Direction] The pump clicks off and Paul places the nozzle back into the pump. He hops into his car and puts his sunglasses on and pulls the visor down.

Allan: Understood, Paul. I can follow the rules.

Paul: Apply for the job, Allan. We'll have you onboarded and orientated in no time. Then we can smile and cheer as we shout from a safe distance Welcome to the family!

[Stage Direction] Paul speeds off into the loop. Allan considers the fumes but disregards them.

Allan: No more fumes, now that I have a family I won't let them down.

scene 5

[Stage Direction] Allan rushes into the office, sweating and panting.

Allan: Oh, Paul! Last night I had the most terrible dream! I was back at the station huffing gas and after a good whiff I sat down on the pavement and a small dog came to me with its tail between its legs, it was shivering and beat up and it had no collar on. I grabbed the dog and yelled but no one came for him then I woke up.

Paul: Allan, did you take your medication today? Hurry up, we need to make the most out of the day! We only have forty-one and three quarters of one hour and three thirds of twenty minutes and one fifth of fifteen seconds billed out so far this week. I need at least sixty hours, fifty-three minutes and thirty-seven seconds billable per week or my wife won't have enough ingredients for her world famous juniper pie.

Allan: Gee, Paul, I just felt bad about the dog. He was all alone. No collar, no family or friends and nowhere to call home.

Paul: Ah, Allan, that's not a poor dog but a being on the hero's journey! That's a rugged individual. He's facing the chaos of reality and making something of himself, that's a strong geyser! Hurry up, Allan. Do your five finger exercises because there'll be plenty of paperwork.

Allan: But, Paul, I've spent over fifty hours the past three days typing.

Paul: Atta be! Keep going and I'll give you a nice cash bonus at the end of the year. You can buy that new refrigerator you've been talking about then you'll have a place to store your juniper pies.

Allan: Oh, Paul, maybe the additional juniper pies aren't necessary. Why don't we all just work less then we could have more time together as a family. We could even do something besides paperwork.

[Stage Direction] Paul enters the bathroom and comes back out with four feet of paper towel and places it onto the desk.

Paul: Whenever I'm tired, Allan, it helps to play dress-up. Try placing the paper towel into the back of your shirt as if it were a superhero's cape. Why walk to your desk when you could fly?

[Stage Direction] Allan grabs the paper towel from the desk and tucks it into his shirt. He sticks his arm out and shuffles toward the desk.

scene 6

[Stage Direction] Allan walks over to Paul and takes a seat beside the pump.

Paul: Allan, if you insist you are free then why must you continuously come into contact with me? You're not like Lydia who waits patiently on park benches to feed the squirrels and rabbits. You haul yourself here and there and everywhere that I am you are. Tell me the truth, Allan, I want to know.

Allan: If you must know, Paul, I can't stand you yet without you I am like a wilted flower. When I'm with you my posture strengthens, my body becomes full and glows and my colour and vibrancy return. My opposition to you defines me and gives me life, it is my intense hatred towards you that gives rise to passionate love! Yes it's true, I am not like Lydia. I love as strongly as her but my love is born of intensity and hatred. A shameful, beautiful thing it is! I am like a gay demon.

Paul: You really should get that checked out, Allan. In order to attain a higher happiness score on the Kimqualcom report you will need to get rid of the hatred. If you're equal parts love and hate where does that leave you? When we record your answers they are dependent on your proximity to me, even the time of day, or maybe the weather itself. What sort of life is it to be blown around by your passions?

Allan: Oh, Paul, I'm happy with my mess! I'd rather be a leaking pipe than a smooth weld with no inclusions. You better grab some industrial grade towels, Paul, because I can feel my leak beginning to rupture! It could be a messy geyser!

Paul: Calm down, Allan. Come back to Kimqualcom and try to be normal again. You should be positive and happy like everyone else rather than getting yourself worked up over nothing.

Allan: Oh yeah, Paul? Maybe then I could score 8.8 out of 10 on your precious little happiness report! When are you going to reach 10 out of 10, Paul? You could try picking up a few more hours per day processing paperwork, or you could trim your hedges and take the time to ensure the edges of your hedges are within a decimal of a perfect right angle like the Egyptian pyramids, or even better you may stumble upon the perfect distraction so not one second could be left for contemplation. Eliminating consciousness by busyness isn't happiness, Paul, you're confusing automation for autonomy.

Paul: I'm important, Allan. Everything I do is directed towards Progress, including Netflix. Otherwise how would the creators of entertainment know what to create, hmmm? Society needs our feedback for anything to be created! Normal people are happy to participate in society, Allan!

[Stage Direction] The pump clicks off. Paul places the nozzle into the pump and hops into his car. He puts his sunglasses on and pulls the visor down.

Allan: If only there were fewer normal people, Paul.

[Stage Direction] Paul speeds off into the loop.

scene 7

[Stage Direction]  Allan walks over to Paul as he fuels his car. He is intoxicated.

Allan: Oh, Paul! A vision came to me about you, about Kimqualcom. I saw you flashing before me as if in a flip book and as the pages turned they became tired and frail and so did you. Each day was the same over and over. You existed and it was real yet I saw that something real can not be real. I want to be really real again and again.

Paul: Allan, you have been huffing gas again, haven't you?

[Stage Direction] Allan stumbles into Paul.

Paul (cont.): Allan! Off of me! Away from the handle!

[Stage Direction] Paul grabs Allan and awkwardly pushes him away. Allan falls onto the pavement and slowly crawls toward the pump platform where he takes a seat. Paul brushes himself off and regains his composure.

Paul (cont.): You'll have to excuse me, Allan, I must be off soon. I have a busy day ahead of me, there's plenty of paperwork awaiting completion, then some schmoozing with a client, and finally some discussion regarding a smaller merger which I recently closed. That'll put a few more juniper pies in my fridge.

Allan: Do you ever wonder, Paul, if we began treating life as if it were merely a game? I'm terrified we have been swept down into a bizarre void like dust bunnies into a centralized vacuum. I would rather be the dust bunny floating, it's so dark and smooth here now it's like space it's empty with no inclusions.

[Stage Direction] The pump clicks off and Paul hops into his car. He puts his sunglasses on and pulls the visor down.

Paul: That's it, Allan, this will be the last time I ever get premium. I will tell you that much. You should really consider getting your act together, you are a bright star but a bursting one with no collimator.

Allan: Remember what I told you the other day? I said, “Hey, Paul, did you hear on the news we are looking to go to Mars. And for what?” You replied, We’re heading there to search for life! That's Progress, Allan.” I replied, “Why even go into space if you plan to go with your visor down inside a lead-lined suit? That's like going across the Earth to look at your own reflection in a dark window.”

[Stage Direction] Paul speeds off into the loop, Allan leans in to inhale the tailpipe fumes. A big, silly grin appears on his face.

scene 8

[Stage Direction] Allan sits on the park bench while Paul walks by with his children. They are in a hurry. The kids have their backpacks on.

Allan: Oh, Paul! Stop treating your children as if they were born to be economic units. Are they your life or the system's slaves? They don't need to go to Le Rosey or have private tutors. What they do need is a stick, give them each one and allow them the opportunity to beat you over the head, then let them go play. Here's an idea, go play with them and you'll learn something you can't read in a textbook.

[Stage Direction] Paul stops and puts the children at ease before telling them to go ahead.

Paul: I love my children, Allan. I am preparing them for the real world where adults compete over Kimqualcom titles. Everyone does it and it's normal, but because of my position my children will have all the advantages. They will be the leaders of tomorrow.  The park bench your kind are so fond of sleeping on will bear their names.

Allan: Here we go again with your dead names on the bench routine! How many dead names will be written on the benches of history? If they are written in love then I applaud them, but if love was written in their hearts while they lived then I will bow before them! They were kings on Earth.

Paul: It's better to be a dead name on a bench than a nobody, Allan. Existence precedes essence, in life you must become someone. Either you write something worth reading or do something worth writing about. Until one does something important for the public you are nothing, but once you create value then everyone will see that value, then you will become valuable.

Allan: That's an interesting theory, Paul. But what about love? If you're constantly comparing yourself to others eventually you will grind your inclusion right out of existence. Do not allow the accomplishments that tickle your vanity to become the highlights of your experience! Why don't you learn to love yourself? Then you'll realize the external world is not a territory to be conquered but a reality to be experienced and you'll stop treating life like it has a scoreboard. The Eternal Butt Weld isn't tracking your achievements.

Paul: Okay, Allan, whatever you say is right. I really must get going to ensure they made it to class. Good day, Allan!       

[Stage Direction] Allan leaps up and blocks Paul's path.

Allan: It's the middle of July on a Sunday, Paul! What are they in school for?

Paul: It's not school, Allan. It's math preparation. It has a dual purpose, actually. One: it prepares them so they are ahead of their peers. Two: it teaches discipline. If you don't give your children structure they may end up spending their lives harassing innocent people and sitting on park benches!

[Stage Direction] Allan jumps at Paul and attempts to remove his belt.

Paul (cont.): Allan! What the hell! Get off me!

Allan: Stand still, Paul! If our species wasn't so forgetful we wouldn't have to be so orderly. To forget something is not a sin but what you're doing is! I'm going to remove your belt and flagellate you!

[Stage Direction] Allan struggles and finally removes Paul's belt. Allan whips Paul before being pushed away, Paul’s pants drop to the grass as he sprints off into the loop.

Allan: Cute underwear, Paul!

[Stage Direction] Allan returns to the bench, removes his pants, and replaces them with Paul's. He brings the belt through the belt loops and cinches it to the tightest hole. He gets up and walks around then laughs as the pants are much too big.

scene 9

[Stage Direction] Allan sprints over to Paul as he fills up his car.

Allan: I mustn't lie to you, Paul! I long for the literal whip the chattel slave received, I wish my family had been violently removed or opened and gutted in front of me. I want the agonies of life to become real again! What is real I can stand, what is abstract keeps me in vague continuous longing. It is a chronic, heavy suffering that I carry with me. I want the pain to be physical. Physical torture is better than psychological torture!

Paul: You have to create your own tribe, Allan, or become a brilliant star like Lydia. If you can't become like Lydia you will live a life of volatility. I can no longer grasp what you are going through because I've become a superficial automation. It's a smooth weld but when the loop resets maybe next pass the universe will  turn me into a seagull. I don't like being human, I don't like consciousness, Allan. I cannot live like you and I cannot understand Lydia. In my emptiness I can only live to torture you and compete for status. I will buy everything up! I will make all philanthropy, empathy, goodwill and art an abstract universal nothingness only just to torture you further. Everything particular you love I will extract from you and turn it into an abstraction.

Allan: I have heard it all before and every time I do a new wound opens, I am a gushing, bursting star. I feel it all so deeply even the smallest strike causes pain! I cannot love Sam Bankman-Fried, I cannot love property or juniper pies or wood in the way you can! I can only love those that I am attached to. It's not effective altruism but a broken, messy geyser. I only ask how does one become like Lydia? She is a mystery like that Jew from Nazareth and the ancient sages of a time past.

Paul: Like I said before, Allan, find your own tribe. There are so many options. So many choices. Do that then after time you will find those that you will live with and love.

Allan: Options and choices are like shifting winds, they twirl us in chaotic patterns and destroy our roots, but I can't lie even a destructive path has beauty in it. Lydia sits on her park bench as a tornado rushes by, even if it sucked her up she wouldn't mind. She would only appreciate the lift and changing perspectives as her bench spun in all directions. If it does happen, I just hope a cow doesn't smack into her.   

[Stage Direction] The pump clicks off. Paul hops into his car and puts his sunglasses on and pulls the visor down.

Paul: Speaking of options, I must admit my pants look great on you, Allan.

Allan: The belt’s too big, I had to puncture it and create another hole just so they wouldn't fall off. Think you can lend me a few juniper pies so I can go purchase a new wardrobe?

[Stage Direction] Paul hands Allan a one hundred dollar bill and speeds off into the loop.

scene 10

[Stage Direction] Allan is seated on the park bench as Paul walks by. He leaps up to join Paul.

Allan: Oh, Paul, come check this out. Kimqualcom has set up an environmental protection zone in the middle of a city! That's like going to Mars in a lead-lined suit to search for life.

Paul: Yes, Allan, these areas help with wellness. Each person should spend approximately ten minutes thirty-nine seconds within the approximate center of the green space once per break which should occur once every two hours. Please if you do use them stick to the designated trails otherwise it's like a Mach 5 tornado going through the greenery, it's a violent geyser! If you go into the EPZs, Allan, you'll have to stick to the trails like everyone else.

Allan: Oh, but Paul! What about the forest that used to exist where your ten bedroom prison is? It was a geyser of all geysers that flattened what was and now isn't. What now, we're only allowed the designated trails that some bureaucrat decided we can walk upon?

Paul: No one is forcing you to live in the city, Allan, you can take your bench and your raccoon and go live out in the forest with the rest of the creatures. The sophisticated ones will stay so we can put the Kimqualcom paperwork together. It'll be more effective that way. What you are is a rusty, loose screw! If only you would just fall off then we could Progress faster.

Allan: I'm a vital screw, Paul, I'm the only thing keeping this piece of hell you've put together whole. I always have been. Without Allan, you would burst like me! I'm here to give the whole system its meaning.

Paul: Ah, Allan, your arrogance is like those that step off the well beaten path! Imagine how much further ahead we would be if everyone just welded themselves smooth. Stop fighting the expansion. Look at my beautiful house! There's only the four of us and we have ten bedrooms, it used to be ten or more in four bedrooms. That's Progress. Hopefully in the future, Paul will have thirty rooms to choose from.

Allan: Progress is an illusion, Paul! If it’s real then where is the end? Is every human just a screw to some future eventuality? I would rather be the screwdriver jamming itself into the weld! Why not accept that life now is an end in itself, Paul? I would rather have an exotic forest than your hollow house! Look at Lydia over there, she’s feeding the squirrels and rabbits. She's not worried about Progress, but if you keep expanding your EPZs and designated trails they will swallow the forest whole, then she’ll have nothing left to feed.

[Stage Direction] Paul and Allan walk by Lydia causing havoc as she sits on a bench feeding the animals.

Paul: Allan, look! There's even a goose waiting for its bread.

scene 11

Paul: Hey, Allan! I decided to get a dog. I named him Biscuit. Isn't he cute?

[Stage Direction] Allan is lying beside the bench on the grass and Biscuit licks him on the cheek.

Allan: That’s not an inclusion, that’s a foreign artifact, Paul! I prefer wolves, they’re the raw metal and the spark, now compare this little, flat-faced fellow with the majesty of the former and you'll see that artificial selection isn't Progress, Paul. Please, Paul, get rid of your ridiculous fetching contraption. You know what, let my eyes be the ball then you don't need your stick and I wouldn't have to bear witness to this tragedy any longer! I'd rather go blind than watch that poor creature wheezing and gagging on its own skeleton chasing your silly ball around.

Paul: Wow, Allan, someone woke up on the wrong side of the park bench today. His breathing is fine, there's plenty of other organisms with similar conditions. Perhaps he is a little bit silly, but I love him all the same and he loves me too, besides it's a great excuse for me to leave the house in the evenings! I only recorded two-thousand five hundred and fifty-six steps today at Kimqualcom so we must march on! Just short of five and a half kilometres to get my ten thousand steps for the day.

Allan: Great stuff, Paul. Let me guess, you woke up, brushed your teeth, combed your hair, did some schmoozing, some paperwork, a bit of commuting, and finally taking your precious little Biscuit out to get your steps in for the day. You know, Paul, the ten thousand step count is an admirable number! You must not have heard but they recently lowered the recommendation to six thousand per day, Paul.

Paul: Well, Allan, of course I heard they changed the recommendation. Unlike you, I stay informed about what my society is doing. I approve of the adjustment because the reduction in motor stimulation should be offset by the increases seen in the Kimqualcom Happiness Report. For me, I just enjoy being out here with Biscuit. I would have it no other way and neither would Biscuit. The steps are just an added bonus.

Allan: If so, why is he breathing so hard, Paul? I think you may be unintentionally harming your trusty steed. Lydia is over there, she always keeps water for the animals. I think he needs some, Paul.

[Stage Direction] Paul and Allan walk over to Lydia and Biscuit drinks some of the water. He wheezes and coughs while consuming it.

Allan (cont.): Holy crap, Paul! Is it even safe for him to drink water?

scene 12

[Stage Direction] Allan walks over to Paul and sits down next to the pump.

Allan: Oh, Paul! Step off the hedonic treadmill. It makes no difference whether you earn five zeros worth or whether it's hundreds of zeros, what does matter is your time. Work for the amount you need then no more. I see a human in front of me, not a beast of burden!  You can still reclaim your dignity, Paul, you're not destined to be an automaton consumer but a radiant Particularity!

Paul: Ah, Allan, you only say these things because your past choices have created a present where your future has no possibilities. It's no wonder you rail against consumerism, it's because you lost the game. I made five hundred fifty-three thousand two hundred twenty-five dollars and fifty-six cents last year while you sat on your bench. I am in the ninety-ninth percentile of earners and you are in the one percentile of delinquents. Your lack of shame is beyond belief.

Allan: Paul, you keep mistaking where true value lies! You are forfeiting the only thing that has any value! Your time! Your attention! Your life! I see a creature of God standing before me who has betrayed his sensibilities for stuff. Why must you possess more and more? And why must you be constantly busy? You're either working, planting trees, watching your screen, walking Biscuit, eating food or lifting weights. Spend some time with the trees you already have, Paul, or even your children, they'll love you for it.

Paul: Everyone likes stuff, Allan, it's normal and necessary for survival. What if something bad happens and you're not prepared? Your situation is precarious because of your social standing and that's a very compromised position to hold.   

Allan: You're dominated by fear, Paul! Why can't you just surrender your will to the universe and let it blow you like a dandelion in the breeze. Can't you logically conclude that my view of reality is more true and beautiful? Isn't it joy you seek with your acquisitions? Or not? Please don't tell me it's your version of the will to power, Paul! Your heart will never unclench if it is.

[Stage Direction] The pump clicks off. Paul places the nozzle back into the pump and hops into his car. He puts his sunglasses on and pulls the visor down.

Paul: Logically, I understand your view but I cannot feel it with my heart. I am driven by fear of the void into productivity and I rationalize it through my vanity. I suppose I will live and tremble unto death.

Allan: Enough conversation for now, Paul. See you later.

[Stage Direction] Paul speeds off into the loop. Allan looks up at the sun and wipes the tears that stream from his eyes.

scene 13           

[Stage Direction] Allan walks over to Paul and gets right beside him.

Allan: Oh, Paul! The most beautiful thing is an end in itself! Tonight, before you go to bed, leave the city and when you pull your car over lift the visor and remove your sunglasses and look up at the stars! Even now look into my eyes, can't you see they are an end in themselves. They are two burning stars. What could your precious, Progress, do that would make them any better?

Paul: Ah, Allan! Back away! You're in my uncontaminated breathing space.

[Stage Direction] Paul pushes Allan back.

Paul (cont.): I don't want to look into your eyes, compared to other beauties I have seen they don't seem too amazing to me. The world isn't good enough as it is, we need to improve it to properly enjoy it. It's not enough to look up at the stars I need to have the star for myself. I must possess the star like a God.

Allan: Oh, Paul, you lack nothing except a little self-awareness. Can't you see you are an end in itself? There is nothing wrong with you I can see that, there is nothing wrong with nature I can see that too. I see beauty inside every object, I see beauty inside every person and institution. I love chattel slavery, I love wage slavery, I love the freedom you desire but can never attain all the same! Why must you fear suffering? I am here to erase your fear so you can live. When you realize a chattel slave looked up at the stars and said yes to life can't you? Anyone who can worship can feel, once you surrender you will know the truth.

Paul: No chattel slave ever enjoyed one second of their existence! You are immoral and insane to celebrate that institution of torture. The Kimqualcom happiness report shows life is getting better and we are much happier than previous humans. Why? Because of Progress.

Allan: You are mistaking your numbness for happiness, Paul! When a chattel slave's family was torn from them or killed they cried out. When your child voluntarily leaves to pursue economic opportunity there is no explosive emotion. Your medicated surrender is no victory. What sort of celebration is apathy and detachment? What Progress is that? In moments of intense suffering a chattel slave felt the child as an end in themselves where you live your whole life believing your children are economic units, your empty abstractions have turned you into a slave and a slave owner simultaneously. Your emotion can be brought back but you have to start worshipping what is real again.

Paul: I don't believe you, Allan, the Kimqualcom reports say...

[Stage Direction] Allan enters back into Paul's uncontaminated breathing space. Allan grasps Paul by the shoulder and looks into his eyes. He takes Paul's hand and places it onto Paul's heart.

Allan: Put your reports down, Paul, feel inside your heart. What do you feel inside you now?

[Stage Direction] Paul's body gives out, he falls into Allan and begins weeping.

scene 14

[Stage Direction] Paul comes up to the convenience store and talks to Allan.

Paul: Another beautiful day today, Allan! The sun is shining, not a cloud in the sky! And look what we have here: two for five dollars on the peach flavoured water. I'll take that offer up any day!

Allan: Oh, Paul! Your superficiality is how I imagine the state of consciousness at its origins: shallow and with minimal awareness. There is a kind of profundity in this reversal. The animal that no longer needs consciousness in order to survive longs to shed it! You are the very beginnings of the Post-Warholian automaton!  We are witnessing in real time the lubrication and subsequent reduction of  friction inside human consciousness. Civilization's ultimate goal is arriving!

[Stage Direction] Paul steps inside the convenience store as Allan sits on the sidewalk staring at the sun.

Allan (cont.): Yes, it won't be long now.

[Stage Direction] Paul exits the store carrying a brown recyclable bag. He grabs one water out and tosses it to Allan.

Paul: There you go, Allan! Stay hydrated! I wouldn't want you shriveling up like a shrimp on the pavement. Regular water isn't good enough either but one must drink water with added electrolytes! The peach flavour is a healthy additive, it's actually better because you get extra minerals and extra minerals are good. This will add approximately five hundred and fifty three days onto your life expectancy according to the most up to date Kimqualcom report.

Allan: Oh wow, peach water that's really great. But, Paul, why should we have to remove the cap ourselves, pour the water then swallow it then close the cap then carry the darn thing until we find the right receptacle! It's really exhausting. You should get that figured out, Paul.

[Stage Direction] Paul hops into his car and yells toward Allan.

Paul: Be patient, Allan, Kimqualcom wasn't built in a day you know! Progress takes time! Soon there won't be any more suffering, Allan! Very soon! Good day, Allan!

[Stage Direction] Paul speeds off into the loop.

scene 15

[Stage Direction] Paul comes to the convenience store and talks to Allan.

Paul: Well, Allan, today is another big day. I'm going to go play a quick round of tennis, then I'll grab a seat and put a few marks on my lead lining, before heading into the office. It sure is hot today.

Allan: You know, Paul, maybe the third metamorphosis isn't necessary. Maybe it is the awareness of the possibility, and the continuation of that awareness that makes one conscious, and maybe that is enough. Then one can forgive the others, for they know not what they do.

Paul: No gas for me today, Allan, my car is filled to the brim. Now I just need a coffee and water to fill my engine up. It's going to be a scorcher.

Allan: It's not a matter of becoming but an acknowledgement of a possibility. If one can acknowledge the highest possibility then naturally one loses their ambition. You surrender and the love leaks out. Now whenever I see you smashing your racket and your ball, it won't be merely hatred but empathy too. It's the best I can do.

Paul: Actually, rather than the water I think I will get a Gatorade, lower sugar. They just came out with low sugar Gatorade! 75% less sugar! Progress: it's a beautiful thing. I can't forget my electrolytes, Allan!

Allan: Then slowly, over time, I will become more calm and stable. It's a messy geyser, but it's for the best. I've been thinking about Lydia again lately, oh how I love her.

[Stage Direction] Paul goes inside the store and comes out a few minutes later.

Paul: Here you go, Allan, catch!

[Stage Direction] Paul tosses a Gatorade at Allan. Paul hops into his car and peels away, leaving the odour of burnt rubber. Allan scratches his head where the bottle hit him while breathing it in.

scene 16

[Stage Direction] Paul walks over to Allan as he sits on the park bench. He has Biscuit with him.

Paul: What a beautiful day today, Allan, isn't it? You should put your sunglasses on and pull a visor down and apply some sun screen. You wouldn't want to permanently damage your lead lining.

[Stage Direction] Biscuit barks at Allan and Paul shocks him with his collar.

Paul (cont.): Biscuit! Act normal. No barking.

Allan: Oh, Paul, there you are. I've been thinking about something. Detachment can be a reduction in consciousness but it's also its greatest shield. In superficial detachment we have the salesman whose surface is warm but inside he has become hollow. His armor guards his titles because he has lost his awareness. We must have mercy on these souls, these smooth welds that keep the factory going. But, alas, there is Lydia. She lives in a state of conscious detachment. I think she's often sad. She only smiles when love makes an impression upon her heart, and thankfully, it's a warm heart. She treats the people and the animals alike. She has faith in the way things are, so she has no interest in making a sale, and so she is always herself. I think she's an angel. A kind of guardian. A Permanent Cast Inclusion inside the Eternal Butt Weld. Blessed be the kind of detachment that kindles the fire of consciousness. Blessed be to Lydia!

Paul: Ah yes, Lydia, I cannot for the life of me understand her. She files her paperwork on time, yes, but she never does more than what is required. Certainly she is a cause for suspicion! I have never seen her fuss, but simply seen her hand over what is Kimqualcom's to Kimqualcom. Even Mr. Kimqualcom tips his hat as she strolls by.

Allan: Yes, Paul. No bench will ever bear her name but the love in her heart is inscribed into nature itself.

[Stage Direction] Allan kicks quietly at the ground as he speaks.

Allan (cont.): No, Paul. I have not much faith. So many days I have waited patiently, impatiently. I thought to myself the clouds will part and behold, an angel, the messenger who jars me from my bench. One must believe in miracles. Isn't life one?

Paul: Well, I'm not sure, Allan, I'll have to go check the Kimqualcom Report. There should be something in it.

[Stage Direction] Paul pauses to think for a moment.

Paul (cont.): Well, yes, if an idea exists it must be in the report, and if not, it just means we haven't captured all the data yet. Progress can't happen overnight, Allan! I wouldn't worry about it, we'll get there soon enough!

Allan: What do they have about the superficiality of modern automation in there, Paul? You should read that one out loud, it might be interesting.

[Stage Direction] Paul goes, with Biscuit, back into the loop.

scene 17

[Stage Direction] Allan is seated in front of the convenience store and whispers to himself.

Allan: It is the present moment that matters. Progress is only Change and eternal life doesn't exist. Lydia accepts this. She knows she isn't a Permanent Cast Inclusion, and that's why she is at peace. Why fight it any longer?

[Stage Direction] Allan pauses for a moment.

Allan (cont.): But what if she is a Permanent Cast Inclusion? What could be more beautiful? Maybe she believes she is a Permanent Cast Inclusion and that gives her her peace. But she never says. She keeps us wondering. Oh Lydia, I am always wondering about you. Are you full of wonder too? I imagine you are.

[Stage Direction] Paul pulls up to the pump, he steps out and begins filling his car. Allan walks toward the front of the car.

Paul: No fumes for you today, Allan?

Allan: I think I'll just breathe the regular, slightly polluted air today, Paul.

Paul: So be it, Allan, whatever keeps your happiness score highest. That's what I always say. Guess what today is, Allan? Closing day of our big merger! Everything has been finalized and all that's left is the funds to be deposited. This will be the largest transaction in Kimqualcom's history. The wife and I have been talking, we think we may need a fourth fridge to store the juniper pies!   

Allan: Congratulations, Paul, that's really great.

Paul: Ah, Allan, are you feeling alright? Maybe you should inhale some of these fumes. Look at them, they're floating, they're dissipating. They need you as much as my car needs this premium, as much as I need this merger to go through!

[Stage Direction] The pump clicks off.

Allan: Oh, Paul. They're beautiful. They're still there. We just can't sense them any more.

Paul: Your energy levels seem low, have you done a Kimqualcom Happiness Test recently, Allan? You should look into it. Go ahead, take the test, and where your score is insufficient something can be done to restore it. You may need a yoga retreat or a therapy session, maybe you can try skydiving. If not, there is always some sort of medication they can try putting you on. You will be okay, Allan. Get that score up my friend, back to where it belongs.

Allan: I saw Lydia again the other day. She was feeding the squirrels, there must have been twenty or more of them. I'm going to see if she's there today. Good luck with the merger, Paul.

[Stage Direction] Allan leaves the gas station and walks toward the horizon. Paul places the nozzle back into the pump, hops into his car, puts his sunglasses on, pulls the visor down and roars toward the merger.